Living in a Field of Hats

some ramblings and reflections on working with students in Herts and Beds.

I’ve had questions… April 29, 2012

Filed under: Christian Life — Sarah @ 2:16 pm
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Much of my time is spent in my car driving between the Uni’s in Hertfordshire and Bedfordshire during term time, and the novelty of local radio often starts to wane late in the evening. So, I found my old mp3 player this week and let it play as I was driving to Bedford on Friday night. My mind started wander through some of the events of the last few months, and all of a sudden there was clarity in them. The song that had started playing suddenly made sense of what I was trying to process …

I’ve had questions, without answers,
I’ve known sorrow, I have known pain
but there’s one thing, that I’ll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus you’re true

When hope is lost, I’ll call you Saviour
When pain surrounds, I’ll call you healer
When silence falls, you’ll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more

When hope is lost, I’ll call you saviour
When pain surrounds, I’ll call you healer
When silence falls, you’ll be the song within my heart

I will praise you, I will praise you
when the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffering still I will sing “

Tim Hughes, “I’ve had questions”

This isn’t to say that listening to one song has sorted it all out – far from it. But it did clarify where I’m at – it still feels in so many ways that I’m ‘in the lone hour’, but that’s not a hopeless place to be, not because I’m not truly alone (although that is also true), but because the story doesn’t stop with me. There will be a day when there’s no more tears, pain or suffering because Jesus is faithful. And that is a day to keep on longing for through the many questions, doubts, tears and pain. But for now, it’s ok to keep wrestling with the questions, to keep admitting it feels sometimes like hope is lost and to not pretend to be fine because in all of it Jesus is faithful.

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A Prayer Answering God February 2, 2011

Filed under: Christian Life — Sarah @ 7:55 pm
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posting twice on one day kinda makes up for not posting a couple times in the last few days right…!?

As previous posts on this blog will point out, I have a teensy weensy bit of love for the little known yet beautiful country of Moldova (shock for many of you I know 😉 ). A friend of mine from Moldova has been through the visa application process – a long one that includes much paperwork, and interview and a long wait. And very regularly (in my previous experience of trying to help people get visas) they get rejected for no obvious reason. To be honest I expected the same this time, but I prayed that God would do his will and that Albina could come somehow. But everything seemed to go against us. The official invite letter I posted before Christmas hadn’t turned up, the original letter had been lost on a bus in America (a whole seperate story!) so an emailed letter with no signature had to do instead. We hadn’t quite sorted the finances until the evening before Albina’s meeting so that was again a emailed letter with no signature. I was praying that the letters would turn up so that the embassy could see that Albina’s request was genuine – but they didn’t. So we were left to wait the five working days minimum to fourteen working days for an answer. And then three working days later the embassy rang to see Albina again . . . that didn’t bode well but we continued to pray to our God of miracles and … Albina’s visa was granted! Albina said: “[the lady] didn’t tell me anything, just asked me to sign a paper and gave me the passport, it was open at the visa page, but first i didn’t realize that, I thought it was my Romanian visa somehow, well, i was so scared…it was after I left the room that i started realizing it was my visa“. So so exciting. But for me the most exciting thing was what Albina told me later – that she was praying that the letters wouldn’t arrive . . . here’s why!

” last thursday when I applied and asked them if it’s possible to bring the letters if they come and the lady told me if I manage to bring them before they make the decision…well, I prayed that they might not come:) I knew God could make a miracle and it was not in vain that the letters didn’t come, almost 3 months passed and all people could do was done…so, I knew God had a plan. But i know myself, and knew i could later on think it might have been a coincidence or “luck”, whatever…so, i wanted a real miracle”

And a real miracle is what she got! And a challenge for me. So often I think that God can only work out situations in a certain way so I  pray for that to happen. I so often don’t pray that God would turn the sitatuion round but that he would do it my way. But he’s God and always does things his way in his perfect timing and it always works!

So… in just a few weeks we’ll be reunited! Praise the Lord!